by Elisha Ann Wahlquist
Last month, in Optimism v. Pessimism, we discussed how we as Christians are called to rejoice in all things. This month, I would like to explore a practical outworking of that-our speech.
Our words have great impact on those around us. Here are several examples of emotions evoked by speech:
"And it came to pass, that, when Abraham's servant heard their words, he worshipped the LORD, bowing himself to the earth." (Genesis 24:52)
"And it came to pass, when Hiram heard the words of Solomon, that he rejoiced greatly, and said, Blessed be the LORD this day, which hath given unto David a wise son over this great people." (1 Kings 5:7)
"And when Esau heard the words of his father, he cried with a great and exceeding bitter cry…" (Gen. 27:34)
"And it came to pass, when his master heard the words of his wife, which she spake unto him, saying, After this manner did thy servant to me; that his wrath was kindled." (Gen. 39:19)
"And it came to pass, when the angel of the LORD spake these words unto all the children of Israel, that the people lifted up their voice, and wept." (Judges 2:4)
Have you ever known someone who radiated joy and happiness? Someone who you loved being around because they lifted your spirits? Even after you'd parted, your smile was brighter and your step springier? There can be different reasons to that, but oftentimes it is because their words were joyful and optimistic. Such speech is even healthy for you:
"Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones." (Pr. 16:24)
What about the opposite? Have you ever been with someone whose negative, critical, pessimistic attitude drained your enthusiasm and depressed your emotions? In Psalms, David often refers to words as swords and arrows. They can be just as destructive.
"A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping." (Pr. 19:13)
Matthew Henry has this to say about the above verse:
"A cross peevish wife is as great an affliction: Her contentions are continual; every day, and every hour in the day, she finds some occasion to make herself and those about her uneasy. Those that are accustomed to chide never want [lack] something or other to chide at; but it is a continual dropping, that is, a continual vexation, as it is to have a house so much out of repair that it rains in and a man cannot lie dry in it." -Matthew Henry's Commentary
It is very easy to slip into the bad habit of worried, cynical, complaining speech. Maybe you have encountered people who seem to live in a chronic state of pessimism. They never conquered their cynicism, but rather let it take over their lives. They are, at best, unpleasant, because they are always picking, grumbling, and fretting. Like Matthew Henry's example above, they make life miserable-spreading a filthy gloom over everyone they meet.
It is sad when professing Christians are bound in the snares of pessimistic speech. Do you think strangers ever ask them "the reason for the hope that lies within" them? I doubt it. They live life in a way that repels, not attracts. "If that's Christianity, I want none of it," I can hear unbelievers say. We Christians should be the most joyful people on the earth! We have a hope and purpose in life-we have the promise of Christ's coming-we know where we are going, and Who we are going to! Here are just a few of our reasons for joyful optimism:
"Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light: Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son: In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins:" (Col. 1:12-14)
Below are two examples of how our attitude and words make a big difference.
It has been a trying day at the Johnson's house. Seven-year-old Sam has not been cheerful or obedient all day, no matter what his mother tried. 5:30 arrives, and Mr. Johnson comes home, tired from his long day at the office. He is greeted eagerly by his family. When he sits down in the living room, he inquires, "How has today gone?" Mrs. Johnson launches into her despairing, discouraged account of the day. The very droop in her shoulders is dispiriting, while her voice is querulous. "It was just terrible…honey, Paul just was so naughty-and I've tried everything-I'm just at my wits' end… You can't imagine how awful today was…" on and on her voice complains.
Now, let's consider an alternative ending to this story.
It has been a trying day at the Johnson's house. Seven-year-old Sam has not been cheerful or obedient all day, no matter what his mother tried. 5:30 arrives, and Mr. Johnson comes home, tired from his long day at the office. He is greeted eagerly by his family. When he sits down in the living room, he inquires, "How has today gone?" In a cheerful tone of voice, Mrs. Johnson replies, "Well, it certainly hasn't been smooth, but we're working on it! Paul has not been cheerfully obedient today. What do you think we should do about it?" There is earnest concern in her eyes, but her attitude is positive one-a "we can solve this difficulty with God's help" mentality.
What a difference her attitude and words made! The first drains her husband's energy and depresses; the second lifts her and her husband's spirits as they face life's trials. Here is another example:
The Smith's van pulls out of the church parking lot and heads down the street. With fretful tones, Mrs. Smith comments, "I really think it's frightful how Mr. Brown picks his teeth during the service. He is just so rude! And with his ridiculous new bowtie…" she chuckles in a half-horrified manner and continues, "And did you see the way Anna Jones dressed! It was scandalous-I can't believe her mother allows her to dress that way! Maria-" she looks back at her daughter, and her voice tightens with worry "-don't even think about wearing short skirts or skin-tight, see-through blouses like she does! Those Hays boys are bad examples, too-they hang around with those mops of hair and pants about to fall off. Daniel Hays was outright disrespectful to his parents in church today! And I saw our Jacob hanging out with them after church! Boys, we don't want you ever to act like them! Never, ever, ever!!!! Right, honey?" she turns aggressively to her husband. "Right, dear," her husband assents wearily, as she continues on, "These parents! I have grown so impatient with Sally and Harry Jones-they just won't listen to reason! If I've told them once I've told them a million times that…" Her family sits in glum silence, listening to her rant on.
Mrs. Smith-though some of her concerns may have been well-founded, and what she said was true-was sapping the joy and peace from her family. Instead of spending the drive home discussing what God had taught them through the sermon, or in praising God, she is setting a tone of pessimism and criticalness that drags everyone down. It would be far more effective for her and her husband to discuss such concerns later by themselves, and come up with plans to help their children. She could plan a special mother-daughter time to discuss modest clothes and dress standards with her daughter, and creatively look for ways to help her daughter become her best friend and not be led away by her peers. Her husband could do likewise with their sons. Also, instead of tearing down their fellow-believers, it would make far greater impact for her to praise, say, the way Albert was such a gentleman when he opened the door for an older lady. Or, she could remark on how Mrs. Thompson's feminine, modest dress made her look so lovely. Those positive remarks will make a far greater impression on her children than her critical comments.
In Titus, the apostle Paul exhorts us to have
"Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you." (Titus 2:8)
We must reform our lives-and our speech-and live as close as we can to Christ's perfect example. Did Jesus ever grumble, complain, or spend His time in cynicism?[1] Then we should not. It will be a stiff uphill climb to tread underfoot our pessimistic habits and speech, but we must press forward. As we strive to be more like Christ, and beg Him to help us overcome, He will give us all the grace and strength we need! [2]
"Believest thou not that I am in the Father, and the Father in me? the words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself: but the Father that dwelleth in me, he doeth the works." (John 14:10)
Jesus didn't speak His own words, He said that He spoke the words of His Father. If He, the perfect Son of God, did that, then we should not spout off our own words, but think before we speak.
"But when they shall lead you, and deliver you up, take no thought beforehand what ye shall speak, neither do ye premeditate: but whatsoever shall be given you in that hour, that speak ye: for it is not ye that speak, but the Holy Ghost." (Mark 13:11)
Isn't it encouraging to know that we have the Holy Spirit dwelling in us to help us?
"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer." (Ps. 19:14)
May this be the prayer of each one of us, as we seek to cultivate optimistic speech!
Footnotes:
[1] "And all bare him witness, and wondered at the gracious words which proceeded out of his mouth…" (Luke 4:22)
[2] "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Php. 4:13) "That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness;" (Col. 1:10,11)
