By Elisha Ann Wahlquist, September 3, 2008
Recently, I read an article by a well-known Christian child-training teacher, in which he said that young people are "oppressed," "enslaved," and "repressed" when they stay at home and serve their families. He said that if a young woman wanted to, she could stay home, but implied that she'd be much more fulfilled and liberated if she was out on her own, following her own vision and mission.
This logically infers that being a homemaker and mother is, at best, second-rate. It is oppressive drudgery. We would never want to chain our daughters down to practice homemaking, it says. The interesting thing is that often the same ones who posit this say, correctly, that once married, a woman's place is to be a keeper at home and a fruitful mother. This is a double standard, and cannot be maintained for long. They infer that homemaking is "enslavement" if the daughters do it-and yet condemn married women to that self-implied unappealing, lifeless, repressive round of duties. After having had a bewitching taste of the false freedom and lack of responsibility that are linked with autonomous singleness, the girl is told, "Now that you're married, you must take up the tasks that we said were repressive to you before." This will breed discontent and unfulfillment in a young wife and mother.
How does God's Word view the home? The Biblical account of the Proverbs 31 woman shows that the home is a vital place of industry and ministry to others. It is not a repressive, prison-like box-it is filled with fruitfulness and rejoicing.
If we cannot learn contentment and happiness at home, where God has placed us (keepers at home)[1], we cannot find those anywhere else.
Psalm 45:13 says, "The king's daughter is all glorious within: her clothing is of wrought gold." The word "within" is payniymah, which means, "Within; within the king's palace." We are most glorious when were are in our "palace," serving under the authority of our fathers-not out on our own. A young woman's God-given talents, interests, and giftings will blossom under her father's vision, and with his loving direction. God has given each family member unique, special abilities that will work together to influence the world in a way that, separately, they could never even dream about. When we serve our fathers in the ministry God has given them, we will multiply its effectiveness and far-reaching impact.
"…set
To turn the broach, draw water, hew wood,
Or grosser tasks; and Gareth bow'd himself
With all obedience to the King, and wrought
All kinds of service with a noble ease
That graced the lowliest act in doing it." -Tennyson
"That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace:" (Ps. 144:12) Corner stones (corner pillars) are of no use if they are scattered all over, each one seeking their own personal fulfillment out on their own, out from under their father's roof. They must be connected together, each supporting the walls and roof of the home. Also, we are supposed to be "polished." The day-to-day tasks and responsibilities are the best polishing and preparation. At home, we are confronted with reality-people of various ages who must learn to forgive, assist, love, and care for each other throughout days, week, months, and years. Home is where we best learn to be unselfish, to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Christ. God has hand-picked each member for our eternal benefit, and as we respond rightly to the small and large annoyances, predicaments, and frustrations of everyday life, we are refined and polished to a glorious sheen, reflecting Jesus Christ!
"Daughters unite families as corner stones join walls together, and at the same time they adorn them as polished stones garnish the structure into which they are builded. Home becomes a palace when the daughters are maids of honour, and the sons are nobles in spirit; then the father is a king, and the mother a queen, and royal residences are more than outdone. A city built up of such dwellings is a city of palaces, and a state composed of such cities is a republic of princes." (Treasury of David)
This is not stifling!
In Numbers 30, God commands that if a wife or daughter vows a vow, her husband or father can disallow it in the day he hears of it. After explaining that, it says: "These are the statutes, which the LORD commanded Moses, between a man and his wife, between the father and his daughter, being yet in her youth in her father's house." (Num. 30:16) Interesting! It presupposes that in her youth, the daughter is in her father's house.
Where are all the daughters in the Bible? This is a question few ask today, yet it is important. God's Word is inspired, and all of it "is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:" (II Tim. 3:16b). The examples of young women in the Bible are there to teach us, to give us principles with which to live out our lives. The daughters in the Bible were not leading the Israelites out of Egypt during their "single" years-they were not doing what this Christian teacher says is truly fulfilling and liberating, which is to be out from under their parent's guidance and protection. Other than the tragic examples of Dinah, and that of the strange woman whose "feet abide not in her house" (Pr. 7:11), the daughters in God's Word are found in their father's house, serving him and those around them.
Rebekah is just one example. She was at home, doing the daily tasks (water-drawing) with joy and energy, and for that very reason it was confirmed that she was to be the wife of Isaac. The Bible does not say, "She was pining away under the bondage of repressive parents who used her." She showed initiative and a willingness to serve, even if it meant a lot of work (drawing water for a caravan of camels is no joke!). Rachel met her future husband while herding her family's sheep. The seven daughters of Reul, priest of Midian, were watering their father's flocks when Moses met them. They were all still at home, serving their father. He later married one of them, Zipporah. When Jephthah returns to his house after battle, his daughter comes out of his house with joy.
Ruth was an adult woman, yet she stayed under her mother-in-law's roof, serving her mother-in-law. She was not on her own, pursuing her own "life purpose" and goals. She was doing the daily tasks of gleaning, helping Naomi. Her goal was to serve Naomi, not herself. God blessed her for such selfless service.
I think that is a real key. Christ, our ultimate Example, said, "…I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of Him that sent me." (John 6:38) "…I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me." (John 5:30)
The child-training teacher was saying that young people shouldn't do their parent's will; shouldn't be required to follow their parent's vision; shouldn't carry on their parent's ministry; shouldn't ensnare themselves in helping at home; they should be free to pursue their own goals and dreams.
Not only does this go against all the Biblical examples, but this is in direct opposition to the Savior of the world, who said that He-even He, the perfect, sinless man-did not seek His own will, but the will of His Father. If there was anyone who could have the right and privilege to go out on his own, to pursue his own vision, it was Christ. He was God in human frame; He had all wisdom and knowledge; He could have said, "Father, thanks for training me up; I'm going to follow my ideas and special life calling. You keep up Your ministry: I'm going off to pursue mine." Did Jesus do that? No. He stayed under His Father, saying and doing nothing but what His Father wanted Him to do.
"I hear; from my Father. The idea is, that he dwells in the Father's bosom, and hears and knows all his counsels.Not mine own will; not to exalt myself, or build up a separate interest, but to honor the Father by doing his will." Family Bible
This says that Christ did not exalt Himself, or build up a separate interest, but honored His Father by doing His Father's will. If Christ is our example, we should be seeking to do exactly what He did. We should not exalt ourselves and our goals and dreams, but honor our earthly father by serving him and furthering his goals. There we will find true fulfillment. "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for My sake shall find it." (Matt. 16:25)
"Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who…made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross." (Philippians 2:5-8)
Jesus became a servant and did only the will of His Father. The results? He freed mankind from the bondage of sin and death. We, too, should lay down our lives, do the humble, everyday tasks of servants, and do the will of our father. Then we can truly impact the world!
Some may object, "Christ followed His Father, but His Father was God. God is the only one I need to follow, then, not my earthly father." Yes, we are under our Heavenly Father, and we must obey Him. But God has set up a structure of authority in the life of each person. He has placed the father over the family, as the spiritual head. The father is Biblically responsible for his family [2], and God directs his family through him. We honor and obey our Heavenly Father as we honor and obey our earthly father. God works through him to give us guidance and direction. In Numbers 30, we see an aspect of the father's authority-he can disallow the vows of his wife and daughters in the day he hears of them. Abraham is a good example of a man whom God blessed because he ruled his household well, and they kept the way of the Lord he had taught them in. It was a very commendable thing that he was leading and commanding his family, and that they were following his lead. His children were not praised for saying. "I'm old enough; I'm going to keep the way of the Lord as I understand it." "For I know him [Abraham], that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him." (Genesis 18:19)
The Rechabites were grown men who were still committed to following the instructions and precepts of their patriarch, Jonadab. God said to the Israelites, "These men have listened and followed their father's instructions, and yet you have not listened to or followed Me. They are a witness against you." The Rechabites were singled out and blessed with a very special blessing because of their faithful obedience."And Jeremiah said unto the house of the Rechabites, Thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel; Because ye have obeyed the commandment of Jonadab your father, and kept all his precepts, and done according unto all that he hath commanded you: Therefore thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel; Jonadab the son of Rechab shall not want a man to stand before me for ever." (Jer. 35:18,19)
The abuses and unBiblical behavior of some parents are no excuse to throw out the examples in Scripture. Just because a few fathers are unjust tyrants does not mean that the principle of fathers leading and having authority is wrong. Those men were wrong: the precept still stands, and we must seek to follow it.
The most influential, fulfilled, happy, useful young women I know are those who are serving their fathers and families at home. They aren't leaving the family to pursue their own dreams and escape the normal "repressive" household chores and duties. They are blossoming, talented. They have learned the secret of doing "all things unto Christ," and are delighting in each task. These young women are using their talents and creative abilities in amazing ways, and are maximizing their potential. By staying in their father's house until marriage, they are not being stifled-they are finally able to fully unfold and bloom the way God created them to.
The idea of young women being "stifled" or "repressed" by being at home, meekly submitting to their parents, is misguided and not Biblical. Instead, as Scripture shows, God has planned a beautiful, useful, glorious role for young women, in which they receive the best preparation possible for the exciting, culture-changing work of being a wife, mother, and homemaker.
We don't have to wait for our future marriage to begin to change the culture, nor do we have to go "out on our own," following our personal mission. Let us, through our faithful, joyful home-service now, begin that glorious work of culture-reformation!
Footnotes:
[1] "That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." (Titus 2:4)
[2] "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." (1 Tim. 5:8)
