by Janet Wahlquist
This month I would like to question the cultural norm of being out on one's own once one turns 18 or so. Does God, through the Bible speak on this subject? As many have shown, the Bible portrays children as a blessing and barrenness as not desirable, and owing no man anything as a command and debt as bondage. Are we in America calling independent singleness the mark of success and being under authority in a household a bore and an embarrassment? I have been searching for examples and teaching on singles being their own little unit of independence and have been wondering if the majority is wrong to send their young people out of the family alone, whether to an apartment, dorm, or as a missionary, etc.. This, of course, excludes giving daughters in marriage or sending adult men to set up a household or accomplish a mission with a partner or team, under direction of their local assembly. Does the goal or aim of the sending out change the validity of the practice? What has me thinking along these lines is the absence of examples of solitary figures in the Bible and the general impression that being in a household was the norm and singleness very undesirable.
"God setteth the solitary in families." Ps. 68:6
First, it was not good for Adam to be alone. Also, Jesus went from His parents' home to being surrounded by His 12 chosen disciples 24/7. He sent out disciples by twos for short assignments, but they were to come back and were accountable to Him. Even grown men in the Old and New Testament are often found in their father's household (Isaac, Esau, Jacob, David). Paul was first sent out by a local assembly with a partner. I believe they were held accountable by that church. As an example of a single missionary, Paul is constantly surrounded by companions and helpers.
"Do thy diligence to come shortly unto me: For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world, and is departed unto Thessalonica; Crescens to Galatia, Titus unto Dalmatia. Only Luke is with me." 2 Timothy 4:10
The young widows are not even given a choice of singleness, but are to marry unless the times of bitter persecution make this unpractical.
"I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. For some are already turned aside after Satan." 1 Timothy 5:14,15
Paul mentions his advice not to marry in the present distress. Everywhere else it is represented as the normal state, unless God calls one and equips one with extra grace and vision. It definitely was not taken for granted that once a young man or woman turned 18, they left their God-given counselors. To go out to live in a dorm, for example, completely independent, out from under a household of authority and protection just seems to be at dissonance with Biblical worldview. What about missionary work, though? In Scripture, each group of missionaries I have found were at least sent in pairs. Women were always in a household as a daughter, wife, or elderly widow being taken care of by son or nephew. Lydia is the only example I have noticed, yet, it seems, she was not Jewish and so was the head of her household, and a widow, running her former husband's business when she was saved.
This is just food for thought and I would love input on this topic. Please send your ideas, articles you may have read or other resources on Independence versus Family Integration. May God give us His pattern to walk and His power to walk it.
"…it shall be a jubile unto you; and ye shall return every man unto his possession, and ye shall return every man unto his family." Leviticus 25:10
"Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world." James 1:27
